I Wanted to Tell Her

My wife and I have reached a point in our marriage where we no longer feel the need to ask.

During the newlywed phase (the phase when no one emits any gas from their bodies and showering is a daily occurrence) we asked each other everything. We asked what we wanted to eat, matters of weight in a particular dress, how we felt about each other, and everything in between.  We asked out of necessity because although we knew each other, we were still navigating the seas to truly know each other.

Sometime around year 2 or 3 though, and when the newlywed phase wore thinner than onionskin paper, we figured each other out.  It was like discovering you have telepathic powers. Each of us knew what the other was thinking.  My wife knew, for the most part, I am an idiot but buried under layers of testosterone, immaturity, and idiocy, was someone who first captured her heart. Someone she could read like a Dr. Seuss book.  And I knew her. Granted reading her book was a bit more complicated, like reading War and Peace, but at least I was reading.  And so the need to ask questions about certain things fell to the wayside.  This is not to say we stopped asking each other things all together (one of us should know where the kids are at any given time) it’s to say we just decreased the frequency of asking.

It is also not to say we felt any differently about one another but sometimes it’s nice to actually hear things.  Its also nice to say them.  As a way of affirming what we already feel.  Because feelings and emotions need to be vocalized even if what is said comes as no surprise to the person receiving it.

For example, if my wife were to ask me, I would tell her the shirt she wants for work is already in the ironing pile and I did just roll my eyes at her…and I just did again. I would tell her I have no problem going grocery shopping during the 4th quarter of the game…okay, I do. I would tell her that I will remember to pick up milk on the way home from work but I sure hope she calls to remind me when I’m on my way.  The only reason I watch her television shows with her is because I like being close to her.  I would tell her, ‘you complete me’ if she really wanted to hear it even though it is a cheesy line. I would tell her of course she doesn’t look fat in that outfit. In fact, she doesn’t look fat in any outfit hanging in her close and she doesn’t need to try on 6 different pairs of shoes on and 14 blouses before we go out because it doesn’t matter what she wears. She is absolutely gorgeous. I would tell her I never believed in love at first sight until I first saw her. That after our first date, I stopped at a friend’s house because I had to tell someone about her and I couldn’t wait until the morning. I would tell her she makes me happy to the point of having butterflies in my stomach when I think about her.  I would tell her our children could not have a better mommy. Hopefully someday they will understand how blessed they are. I would tell her I’m sorry and I would tell her I’m sorry again (just for good measure).  I would tell her I’m the lucky one.  I would tell her I love her. I have loved her for as long as I can remember because I can’t remember my life without her in it anymore.

After almost 12 years of marriage, I know we don’t feel the need to ask each other about some of these things all the time but I don’t want the answers to be taken for granted or go unsaid.  This is why tonight my wife didn’t need to ask me, I just wanted to tell her.

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21 responses to “I Wanted to Tell Her

  1. “…but at least i was reading.” is probably the most important attribute of a successful relationship. “Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.” Benjamin Franklin

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  2. Great post! This December will mark our 14th anniversary and man, do I relate to what you’ve talked about here. I agree 100% with you, specially when it comes to asking for forgiveness. This is something my wife and I had always made a point of; verbally expressing our need to be forgiven for something we’d done that had hurt the other one. Lately it’s been more like we’d tell each other “yeah, I forgive you” though a hug, or a kiss (or in bed); but this post has reminded me that every now and then we need to actually say the words: “I’m sorry honey. Please forgive me”.

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    • For sure. We get so comfortable with each other, and its not as though we don’t care, we just can take it for granted. I appreciate the read and your comment. Thanks!

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  3. Oh, you’re so sweet! Such a wuss!!!!

    Lol…very nice post. I still think regular verbal affirmation is great. My wife can’t do that but she cooks great instead!

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  4. So very sweet!

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  5. Another great post! You’re absolutely right about everything. I have been married for 12 yrs & it is way too easy to assume your spouse knows how you feel. Do husbands want to hear those things? Sometimes I think my husband does. So I say things like: “You’re such a good provider; Our kids are so lucky to have you; I’m so lucky to have you.”
    Your posts always give me much to think about. You’re a brilliant writer.

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    • I need to do it more. I take it for granted my wife knows how I feel and I need to let her know just how important, special and loved she is. I appreciate it (as always) Andrea.

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  6. Very very nice.

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  7. Great post!! As always!

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  8. Soooo sweet. Can I clone you?

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  9. Another good one Jimmy. As others have said, what you’ve said is oh so true… Take care, buddy.

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  10. Awww… Reading this I recognized how I often wish my husband would tell me those things, but then I don’t always say certain things to him because I figure, what does it matter? He already knows. But no one ever gets sick of hearing “I love you,” do they?

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