Category Archives: home

Coming Home Alone

Posted on October 1, 2011 | 1 Comment

Commuting.  It can be a quick jaunt for some or an arduous undertaking of miles and time spent traveling for others.  My commute to work is long, both in miles and in time (yes, that puts me in the arduous column). An hour and a half in the morning, across almost 60 miles of Pennsylvania roads littered with potholes, school buses, stop signs, the person who skipped the Driver’s Ed class about how to drive when its raining, and the guy who thinks the posted speed limit is much to fast to be driving on a major highway.  Coming home, on the surface, is no different as the same rigors of the commute line my way. But that is on the surface.

Before my wife and kids were in the picture, my commute home was more like a Grand Prix exhibition.  I weaved. I sped.  I used my middle finger sometimes more often than I used my turn signals.  After being at work for sometimes 11 hours at a shot, I only thought about getting home as quickly as I could.

Now, home is where my family is. Home is where my dog sits perched on top of the sofa, staring out the window, anxious for my arrival.  Home is where my kids greet me with hugs and ‘Hi Daddy’s!’  Home is where my wife, at times, is counting the minutes till I arrive as I am her respite for kids who forgot how to listen.  What I have waiting for me at home is why I enjoy the long commute.

I’ll explain.

Dealing with co-workers, clients, my computer freezing in the middle of saving a file and trying to get that dangling pack of Tastykakes you just spent $1.25 for out of the vending machine can be stressful.  In fact, work can present itself with an entire portfolio of stress.  That stress mounts.  That stress piles itself on to your back, hangs from your arms, drags behind you, gripped to your legs.  The last thing I want to do is allow all of this to walk in the front door with me once I get home.  Especially when there is a 70/30 chance the kids haven’t been listening, the dog chewed someone’s shoe (most likely mine), and my wife just burnt dinner because she was trying to handle all of it.  The last thing that needs to be added to such a combustible mix (like introducing napalm to a swimming pool of gasoline) is me not ready to be Daddy or Alicia’s husband because of something that happened almost 60 miles away. Because I want and I am ready to be Daddy and Alicia’s husband.

Enter my long commute.

When I get in to my car, the front and back seat are packed.  The backseat has an unhappy client, my computer that took 45 minutes to load an Excel spreadsheet, and the couple who decided to buy somewhere else buckling in.  My co-workers, all asking for something different from me, are riding shotgun. It is loud and crowded in my car.  So I use the long commute.  I use it to molt the day off of me.

I have stopped looking for shortcuts to take.  I don’t speed or dart in and out of lanes.  I turn the ringer off of my phone. I’ve made peace with the guy willing to get in to a 7 car pile just so he doesn’t hit a chipmunk in the street.  I have ceased pleading with deaf stoplights.  I accept my commute for what and for how long it takes me.  Because with each mile I drive, as I get closer to my family, my car empties a little. Soon I’m alone.  The stresses that were sitting with me when I left are gone. It’s just me, the sound of the radio, and 42 texts on my ‘Silent’ phone from my wife I just realized I had.

Believe me when I tell you, I’m not trying to delay getting home.  Even after a good day at work, I am excited to get home. I look forward to walking through the door and seeing my girls and kissing my wife. This is why I have stopped trying to shorten my commute. Why the stoplights all being red and the guy driving 35mph under the speed limit aren’t so rage inducing.  Because the time it takes to get to my family and back to being Daddy and Alicia’s husband gives me the opportunity to shed the passengers I left work with and come home alone.

→ 1 Comment

Posted in family, home, home alone

What I Did on Summer Vacation

Posted on September 13, 2011 | 4 Comments

As I spent most of the summer home and unemployed, I thought it was a good time to write a ‘What I Did on Summer Vacation’.  The last time I had a summer vacation that lasted more than a week, I was 21, smelled of body odor and too much cologne, and was home from college.  Also, I haven’t written about what I did on a summer vacation since I described burying my GI Joe’s at the Jersey beach ‘awesome’. I figured I’d be able to bounce some ideas off my kids when they come home from school and had to write about their summer vacations too.

Since I have been out of college, my summer vacations have been restricted to one week (or 5 days depending on who my family and I are spending vacation with).  This summer was different though.  The summer began in the beginning of May with my pink slip and wondering how we were going to pay for things like the electric bill as my wife turned down the AC and as I furiously sent out resumes.

After the initial shock of having a summer vacation and no job had passed, I picked up my ‘Honey Do’ list that was thicker than the King James Bible and covered in dust (it had been a while since I went through it).  I scanned the list, skipped over the hardest ones or the ones that involved using a pipe wrench and settled on grabbing a paint brush.

I picked through the 2 inch thick scab of dried paint hiding the half gallon of paint left in the can to finally finish painting my front porch I started 5 years ago (‘Honey Do’ #15 done).  Next up was multiple trips back and forth to the mulch pit (and possibly multiple slipped discs in my back) to fill up my gardens with something other than dirt (‘Honey Do’ #22 done).  I also managed to keep the house clean, do the laundry, and make lunches while the kids were still in school (‘Honey Do’ #1, #2 and #5 done).

I also got the chance to be with my kids. Besides weekends, work schedules have left time with my family to only a few precious hours at night and lunch breaks don’t usually last long enough to meet my kids for an afternoon matinee. So while the kids were in school I weeded through my ‘Honey Do’ list so that I would have the time, when my kids were home, to spend with them.  And I had lots of time.  Time at the pool, going to the library and grandmom’s house for free lunches.  Time riding bikes, walking the dog, going grocery shopping, walking around the mall (and fending off their pleas to buy something like a matador performing a ‘pase de la firma’), and watching movies.  Time spent together we did our best Jackson Pollack impressions as we painted the garage with our hands (Put the kids to work and check off another ‘Honey Do’ item? That’s killing two birds with one stone at its best my friends).

In between making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, working like a general contractor eliminating things off of a 5 year old ‘To Do’ list, and worrying about how I was going to pay the mortgage, I spent time laughing, talking, and just being together with my kids this summer.  So to borrow a phrase from the last time I wrote one of these…What I did on summer vacation was awesome.

→ 4 Comments

Posted in home, kids, Summer

What I Learned Walking the Dog.

Posted on October 21, 2010 | Leave a comment

As a parent, I am always looking for ways to teach my kids about life.  Sometimes lessons are obvious (don’t lick the electric socket please) and some can be buried under metaphor or, as it happens, on walks with the dog.

Who knew walking around the development with my dog was so chock full of life lessons (especially the importance of checking for holes in the plastic bag before I leave)?  The other night, while the dog and I were on our evening stroll around the development, I started thinking more about how our walks could parallel life (these are the thoughts that have my wife looking at me like I’m an idiot).

Most of us are familiar with them.  Holding tight.  Stopping to sniff the roses.  Picking up after ourselves and there is no place like home.  But life, like the dog, will sometimes throw you a curve and these lessons can be found to take on new meanings.

Hold Tight.  Life, when you least expect it, has a way of pulling you in directions much like an 80lbs dog hellbent on running down the rabbit she saw from across the street.  If you aren’t careful and don’t have a good grip, the next thing you know you’re being drug in to the neighbors yard trying not to fall flat on your face.  Life can take you places you don’t want to go.  If you aren’t ready for it, your wife is covering the cuts on your knees with Neosporin (so to speak). Life will put you in to situations that are best to be avoided but the good news is, they can be, so long as you hold tight.

Stop and Sniff the Roses.  Yeah, we all know this one, but if you happen to be walking a dog, you’ll be stopping to sniff the grass, mailboxes, street signs, trashcans, twigs and anything else that passes over your canine’s snout.  Dogs are never that much in a hurry to stop and sniff things out. Why should we be?  Sure life can speed by us like Usain Bolt in a 100meter dash, but that shouldn’t mean we don’t stop once in a while.  There are lots of things to see, do, be apart of even if those things can sometimes smell a little bit like trash or the remnants of the last dog that walked by, it’s worth it to stop and sniff. And we should do it to figure out which elements to avoid and which ones really do smell like the roses.

Pick Up After Yourself.  Unless you would like to draw the ire of your neighbors, it is advisable to bring a bag on your walk (again let me stress the importance of making sure there are no holes in the bottom of the bag).  You need to pick up after your dog just like you need to pick up after yourself (metaphorically, otherwise get yourself some help).  You should, at the risk of finding yourself on an episode of Hoarders, make sure you pick up the clutter, but occasionally life leaves a turd on the lawn for you to pick up too.  Life isn’t always pretty (and sometimes smells).  It is unapologetic about leaving a mess too.  In the face of the steamy pile life left you, we don’t shirk the responsibility of making sure we remember to pick up after ourselves.

There is No Place Like Home.  This one is pretty much as it seems.  After a long walk around the development, my dog is always excited to walk back up our driveway and get to our front door and the comforts (and doggy treats) of home.  After time away, whether it be vacation, work, or a trip to the mall, there is something about coming home.  Back to the arms of your loved ones.  Back to the comfort and safety your home provides.  This is something that can be taken for granted until you see the dog, tail wagging with excitement, ready to burst through the front door and get back to her family and the place we call home.

I’m trying to teach my kids about life.  Sometimes what is needed to be taught is as obvious as knowing giving the cat a haircut is not such a good idea.  Sometimes what needs to be said is not so obvious or has been overlooked until, in this instance, the dog brings it to light for me.  I want to teach my kids life isn’t always great.  Life can sometimes take you places that are not so nice.  Present to you things that aren’t so rosy and leave you a mess to clean up afterward.  I also want to let them know, that no matter what life throws at them, they always can find comfort and safety at home.  And when I think they understand all of that, I’ll teach them something else…just as soon as I get back with the dog.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in home, kids, Penny

Tagged